Thursday, April 19, 2007

A Post

This is the first time that I have written in this blog in quite a long time. Mostly because I have a very difficult time consistently putting out writing. Today, I felt the urge to write about something that I probably wouldn't want to be disseminated. However, I believe that very people will ever read this (if any). Yet, it is burning in my heart, so I will go ahead and write it.

Lately, I have never felt stronger that God has a higher calling on my life. The call has always been there, but I suppose I have, at times, pressed the "mute" button on God's voice. Yet, as time passes, I find that my desire for worldly pleasures is decreasing while my desire for God is growing. I am not saying that I am anything special, it's just that I don't have the same desires for worldly pursuits as a lot of Christian folks my age do. As my mother put it, "Others may, you cannot."

Initially, this realization led to some consternation. Why can't I have a wonderful Christian wife like the rest of my friends? Why can't I enjoy immature PG-13 movies with impunity like the rest of the Christians? Why do I have to languish while everyone goes about their lives with apparent ease? The result of this ignorance was a life of unbelief. Now, I was ostensibly seeking after God, but in my heart, I was discontented with the Lord. This lack of contentment combined with the root problem of unbelief led to a very dry period in my walk with the Lord. In His mercy, the Lord did not allow me to stumble beyond recovery. But boy, it was a rough period. It reminds me of Asaph's experience:

From Psalm 73
[The wicked] say, "How does God know? And is there knowledge with the Most High?" Behold, these are the wicked; and always at ease, they have increased in wealth. Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure and washed my hands in innocence; for I have been stricken all day long and chastened every morning.

Isn't that interesting? It seems that the times we fall into the most severe unbelief is when we are focused on ourselves or our surroundings instead of looking to the Lord. We look at the wind and the waves instead of looking into Jesus' eyes. We drown because we doubt. Yet, God is able to keep us from stumbling:

Later in Psalm 73
When I pondered to understand this, it was troublesome in my sight until I came into the sanctuary of God; then I perceived their end. Surely You set them in slippery places;You cast them down to destruction. How they are destroyed in a moment! They are utterly swept away by sudden terrors!

And further on
When my heart was embittered and I was pierced within,then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before You. Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel You will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For, behold, those who are far from You will perish; You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You. But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works.


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